Girls and women are hearing a lot of messages these days
regarding empowerment. I for one
genuinely hope there is a tidal wave of enlightenment that leads to permanent
and meaningful change. To do so we clearly have a lot of work to do. How do you teach young girls to be fierce and
confident when it takes most women years if not a lifetime to evolve into a person who
recognizes her own self worth?
The media preys on the insecurities and vulnerabilities of
women and girls. Young girls have very
little media literacy and expecting them to deconstruct the endless words and
images presented to them each day is unrealistic. Do we really want to create another generation
of walking wounded?
Instagram and Facebook
work for celebrities because they are promoting themselves as a brand selling
drama, perfection and most importantly products. They understand the
distinction between their brand, which happens to be their job and who they
truly are. It creates an illusion of perfection, and sets often unattainable
standards for the rest of us. A more
insidious ramification is that young girls on FB and Insta come to rely on a
lot of outside validation in the form of “Likes”. I personally admit to spending way too many
hours and years either covering up or trying to alter myself, striving to fit
into the narrow societal standards as to how we should look and act. Now well
into my sixties I wish I could have some of the hours back that I spent chasing
skinny, fit and wrinkle free. I’d allot that time to more valuable endeavors or
to simply enjoying life while broadening my perspective, living a more enriched
and carefree existence.
What is the price for all of this? First let’s recognize the
price in terms of time and dollar’s spent. Here is the short list:
-
Take knives and poisonous needles to our bodies.
-
Rip out
unwanted hair
-
Dye hair
-
Tattoo on
makeup
-
Paint our
nails and toes
- Workout to trim and sculpt where fat naturally
resides
-
Apply acid to our faces to burn off spots and
wrinkles, endlessly pursuing beauty and agelessness.
-
Endlessly starve ourselves
Exhausted and broke yet?
Perhaps the most disturbing price paid is by young girls who
learn through legacy that appearance is their most powerful asset. They believe it will be their most potent
currency in life.
What can we do about all of this? We as hopefully wiser men (yes men need to do
their part!) and women need to practice more self awareness regarding the
messages we send to the younger versions of us. We can start modeling behavior
that demonstrates self-acceptance. Be aware that flippant remarks and attitudes
are destructive as are constant comparisons and can have grave consequences. We
can hold each other accountable. We can stop striving for perfection to which
there is no finish line and pursue excellence. We must teach kids that editing
yourself to please anyone else ultimately makes you feel less powerful! Talk to kids about who they surround
themselves with. Point out that a group
won’t give you an identity, that it simply reinforces what is in you and does not
replace it. It’s hard to keep a grip on
who you are when you surround yourself with people who don’t value you. We must
change the pattern of seeking self worth from outside validation to nurturing
self worth through acceptance, accomplishment and action.
There are some amazingly powerful programs that teach young
girls and boys to value themselves. While
training as an instructor for one such program I assisted in a weeklong summer
camp for girls aged 9-13. I witnessed
first hand the change that took place.
These girls, who began the week with mostly reserved demeanors, barely
looking at each other and speaking up reluctantly when asked to contribute to the
conversation, were transformed. By the end of the week, these young girls
walked a little taller, spoke more assuredly and were kinder to themselves and
to others! It was powerful, remarkable
and moving! There are so many more
programs out there. RealGirl, Girls Inc., Girls On The Run and Moving
Traditions to name a few. We need to
support them.
We can’t outshout the media messages but every single one of
us can do our part to affect change. We’re
off to a good start as evidenced by the women’s marches held in the past year
and the #Metoo movement. Let’s support more pervasive conversation surrounding
this topic. We have plenty of role
models. We just have to stop deifying
appearance above all else. Deriving power from external beauty cannot be our
primary currency in life. Using our collective voice in all of its forms and
leveraging it is how women triumph, affect widespread change and truly become
fierce!
***To explore this topic with kids, BUY my children’s book
or contact Marilyn Frias go to www.inmyselfibelieve.me Discounts offered for bulk for non profits.
Also offered on amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Myself-I-Believe-Marilyn-Frias/dp/0692834605/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489102262&sr=8-1&keywords=in+myself+i+believe
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