Stop Look Listen to One Another and Share!

Sitting at a restaurant last week I couldn’t help but notice the couple at the next table. They both had their smart phones on the table which continually rang, sang to them or buzzed. Out of the 60 min. they were there it’s safe to say that at least half of that time their attention was diverted to their phones. I assumed they both were trauma surgeons because whatever drew their attention from each other surely must have been life threatening!

Technology has certainly made our lives easier in many respects, but I’m not so certain it hasn’t been detrimental to interpersonal communication. It’s tough to complete a conversation, much less a thought with the constant nagging of phone sounds or distraction of texts. Does any of this sound familiar? Mom is on the computer, Dad is on his phone, Billy is watching TV, Danny is playing a video game, Sally is on her ipad and Tyler is listening to his ipod with his headphones on all the while our extra appendages (our phones) are buzzing, urging us to pay attention to them. These are all solo endeavors. If we don’t learn at home, within our own four walls to communicate with one another how the heck are we supposed to learn to connect and communicate with our neighbors or the larger world around us?

There are ways to make connections that occur naturally and often cross inter-generational boundaries. It often happens by way of our passions, hobbies and interests.
We’re defined by these things and sometimes our lives are even altered by them. For example people will say “I’m a Yankee’s fan” or “I’m a skier or cyclist”. I moved to Aspen in the seventies because at that time in my life nothing was more important to me than skiing. I met my husband and raised a family here in the Colorado Rockies and it all came about because I was passionate about skiing!

My daughter attended two different universities until she found the right school for herself. She knew she wasn’t a sorority girl or big partier. And although she didn’t want to major in it, she loved performing and theater. That turned out to be her connection. She joined an improv. comedy club and immediately made a whole group of new friends. In fact today, five years later, they are still some of her most cherished friends although they no longer perform together or live in the same town.

My parents passed along to my siblings and I a love of boating. Every summer while growing up we would head to The Colorado River for two weeks of skiing, tubing, cards, fishing, cliff jumping, games and family time. We now do the same with our kids on Lake Powell and my grown children say it’s still their favorite vacation. I have no doubt they’ll be doing the same with their families.

My in-laws loved to play cards. They had card groups and would meet once a month for an evening of bridge or poker with the same group of friends for years. They indoctrinated our kids very early on as they would patiently play “Go Fish” endlessly. As the kids grew the card games became more complicated and interesting as did the table conversation. Hours of sitting around the kitchen table playing cards led to hours of conversation with their grandparents. They learned their grandfather fought in a war, worked in a dairy, and that he never ran out of jokes to tell! What a lovely way to connect! In case you were wondering…..there were no cell phones ringing or text messages that needed immediate attention!

Golf has also been an enduring connector in our family. My husband’s dad taught him to play as a child and he in turn taught our son. They took father son golf trips together and today my husband and son now do the same. They not only play but also place small bets on the weekly televised golf tournaments. This leads to weekly calls every single Thurs. night to place their bets. I was resistant to get into golf, until I realized that I’d get four hours of uninterrupted time playing a round with my son. I quickly took up the sport!

My daughter and I share a love of musical theater. We watch the Tony Awards every year to select which shows we’d like to see. Then every couple of years as time and finances allow, we go to New York and see non-stop theater as we connect over great pastrami sandwiches.

So whether it’s fishing, gardening, cooking, stamp collecting, chess or whatever your hobby or passion is, it pays to share it. Enthusiasm is catching and just may shape your life and connect you to others in unforeseen and extraordinary ways.