My 40th high school reunion is quickly approaching and I’m sniffin sixty. I’m trying hard not to obsess about the extra 10 lbs, the gobbler that seems to be growing under my chin, or the ever increasing wrinkles that have appeared on my face since the 30th reunion. I admit to thoughts like “How will I measure up” to the others in my class. I have some hard decisions to make. How far will I go to fit into our cultures’ narrow definition of beauty? And let’s be honest. We wish we were defined more by our character and accomplishments but know that we are too often sized up by our looks. Exactly how much do I want to spend (time and money) and how much do I want to torture myself…..and let’s not be naive, torture it is.
I challenge each one of us to take a test. You won’t have to reveal your score, but I contend that it needs accessing. How many of these things have you done and often times more than once?
Injected botox (poison) into our faces to freeze to them in time.
Applied “acid” peels to our skin in an effort to peel away the layers of time and yes it is acid!
Taken “ knives” to our bodies/faces.
Had the fat sucked out of our bodies.
Plumped our lips with unnatural chemicals.
Put hot wax in places no one sees to “rip” out unbecoming hair.
Had make-up tattooed on our faces, drawing blood with “needles” so we can look perfect even as crawl out of bed in the morning.
Used chemicals on our eyelashes so that they will grow longer.
Chemically dyed our hair so that there is not one trace of grey.
Sprayed chemicals on our bodies so that we look like we’ve been to the beach and maybe hide a flaw or two of cellulite.
Exercised ourselves silly.
Gone on the “cabbage soup diet, the no white diet, the macro-biotic diet, the grapefruit diet..….you get the picture.
If you can admit to at least some of these things, please continue reading. Does any of this scream “unhealthy” to you? Is there no part of our bodies that is free from criticism and hatred? I’m not suggesting that all of us don’t need some upkeep and maintenance and staying strong and healthy are important and lofty goals, but haven’t we taken this to an extreme? Where is the balance between natural and pampered? It’s almost as if we can’t be seen in public unless we’re in costume!
What exactly is the price for all of this? Without a doubt we spend an outrageous amount of money on all of these things. But I’m wondering if the time spent could be more valuably allocated? To keep up this regimen, our daughters are going to have to make a whole lot more money than we did just to “fit-in” to the acceptable standard of beauty for their generation as the bar is set higher and higher. And even though “curves” and “booty” are more desirable than they used to be (we all owe a big thank you to J-Lo and Beyonce) we still are constantly bombarded with media messages touting beautiful, thin, ageless women as the ideal. How about the actresses and models that lose all of their “baby weight” in mere weeks after giving birth? We deify them. Can’t we simply enjoy and revel in the wonder of a new child before propelling ourselves once again onto the endless pathway of pursuing perfection? Is this something we want to perpetuate and pass along as our legacy…that we fought aging with a vengeance or that we gracefully aged?
I’m not implying that we shouldn’t take pride in our appearance. I’m saying that we should at least question our motivations and not mindlessly accept the herd mentality of looking younger/beautiful is more desirable. Maybe if we honor more of our beauty from within we’ll be able to accept and look for that in others.
I asked my twenty year old son what he thought of all this and why the majority of men do not go to such extremes. His answer was immediate and familiar. As he put it “Our culture touts different standards for men and women. Men consider themselves superior if they are financially successful, good athletes, or powerful for whatever reason (which in itself begs examination). With women it seems that they feel superior if they’re recognized for their appearance and intelligence in that order” Of course he’s speaking in generalities but I had to admit that in my experience it rang hauntingly true.
How do we start to end this madness? If I had the answers I’d start a 12 step recovery program and make millions selling my idea. Maybe our time has come. Let’s stop talking the language of “younger and prettier”, and make a deliberate effort NOT to pass all of this craziness on to the next generation. Let’s find balance. There’s a different kind of beauty that comes with each “passage” in life. If we see that in ourselves and respect that, possibly the rest of the world will too! We need to be better role models for our daughters and all of the young women in the world. If we don’t accept ourselves in some measure, how can we expect the younger versions of us to do the same? If they see us continually modifying ourselves, whether it’s a breast enhancement surgery, a face lift or excessive dieting and exercising, that becomes their “normal”. Maybe our focus needs to be raising healthy women from the inside out as opposed to the outside in.
Gotta run. I’m late for my bikini wax appointment and then off to my kick boxing class, so that I will look good for my reunion. I guess my internal self worth measuring stick has failed me again!
If this speaks to you please pass this message along.
